Bizzle’s Royal Rumble Preview! 

Sure, wrestling is scripted and considered fake to most of the world, but so is every single show on TV (outside of The Bachelor, of course). That said, to the WWE universe it’s as real as it gets, and the Royal Rumble is no exception. When it comes to the Rumble, there is just something different and special about it. Sure, the outcome is predetermined, but it’s the one time a year where you never know what is going to happen or who just might walk down that ramp and enter the Rumble. Call me crazy, but unless your name is Heath Slater, you have a shot a winning the Royal Rumble and headlining the biggest event in sports entertainment, WrestleMania. Or at least that’s what Michael Cole wants you to believe.

This is the first year in a while where there is not a single clear-cut favorite as the WWE is pulling out all the stops and part-timers galore with names such as Brock Lesnar, Goldberg, and The Undertaker headlining the Rumble. They are even kicking the tires on the Big Show; hopefully the ring is getting some extra support for all the big men. It’s shaping up to be the biggest and baddest 30-man roster and with the brand split taking place last year, the field is wide open. Intrigue and Internet rumors are running wild these days. Everyone, myself included, is going to attempt to figure out what the hell is going to happen while answering the five most intriguing questions I have heading into the 30th annual Royal Rumble.

1. What happens between Brock Lesnar and Goldberg?

Brock Lesnar and Goldberg are entering the Rumble first and second or at least that’s how it should be booked. They could care less about the other 29 Superstars. Ask Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker how that worked out in 2008. After Brock was famously disposed of by Goldberg in a minute and change, expect these two to mainly focus on one another for most of the Rumble. I see a scenario similar to the 2008 Rumble when Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker focused so much on one another that some random Superstar ended up eliminating them. Unless Goldberg is in talks to make a semi-full-time return it makes little sense to have either win and challenge for the title.

2. Will a SmackDown or Raw Superstar win the Rumble?

Plain and simple it’s going to be a RAW Superstar. Sure, SmackDown is the better show and it’s shown in the ratings. The only way they put a SmackDown guy in the driver’s seat for Mania is if Cena loses to AJ Styles, then decides to enter the Rumble and wins, which would mean the Styles match ended in some sort of foul play. Don’t forget the Club will be in there as they are going for the Tag Team Titles that night. Could we see a reunion of sorts? Well, if we do, expect Cena to be hell-bent on getting even with Styles as Cena has been a bit edgier of late. That all said, it’s a bit of a fantasy book on my part. It’s going to be a RAW guy and they will certainly go for the Universal Title in an attempt to make us believe that is the stronger belt.

3. Who will be your surprise entrants this year?

This is what the Rumble is all about, the element of surprise. Sure, 22 of the 30 spots are spoken for, but we have no clue as to when those 22 Superstars will walk down that ramp. For the other eight open spots, they usually include a legend or two, such as the Boogeyman or Bob Backlund, as well as an NXT call-up. For that slot, this year my money is on Samoa Joe. It’s his time; he’s done all that he can at NXT and with the WWE billing this as the biggest Rumble ever, Joe’s size alone makes him a perfect call-up candidate. The WWE also loves to throw in a fall guy, as I like to call it, similar to a Santino, whose entrance would taking longer than his time in the Rumble. You can always look to injured Superstars to make a comeback. Finn Balor is a possibility; there’s a hot rumor floating around that he has been testing out the injured shoulder to see if it’s ready, and if rumors come true, that makes the Rumble even bigger with Balor in the fold. What I expect to happen is the losers of the Universal and WWE Title Matches to enter. Kevin Owens makes that move a perfect fit. Roman Reigns makes sense because it’s an excuse to shove him down outlets’ throats more, Styles for a similar if not exact same reason as Owens, and Cena, well, because it’s John Cena and he never gives up. Whatever the WWE decides to do with the last eight spots will be interesting. Don’t expect a Ricky the Dragon Stream Boat. If it’s the biggest and most open Rumble of all time we can’t have a bunch of out of shape over the hill wrestlers weakening the field, now can we?

**Update** Kenny Omega has been a hot rumor as of late but I don’t see it happening, sorry Internet wrestling community. 

4. Who are the dark horse options to win the Rumble?

Everyone loves that dark horse bet don’t they? It’s a chance to make yourself look like an expert among friends. Well I’ve got my eye on two excellent options for this honor. Ignore the chances of Axel winning it even if I don’t think he’s still been eliminated for the past 2-3 years. 

On the RAW side, it’s Braun Strowman! I know what you are thinking, “Way to go out on a limb there.” I know, Braun is massive and looks absolutely unstoppable, but had I told you 3-4 years ago that Braun Strowman would win a Royal Rumble with the likes of Orton, Lesnar, Goldberg and so on, you’d say I was nuts. He’s very green in the ring still but we all know how much Vince loves a big guy. Remember when he put Big Cass in the title picture while Enzo was out? “How You Doin!” Plus he has authority lackey written all over him, especially once this Triple H/Seth Rollins feud really starts cooking – but more on that later. So it’s simple, you put Braun over by beating the best Rumble feild in history, then flank him with Stephanie McMahon and Triple H to hide some of his microphone flaws, and boom, you have a monster heel heading into Mania and Triple H and Braun dismantling 2/3 of the Shield, if Reigns wins, of course.

On the SmackDown side it’s Baron Corbin. At first I thought, “Who is the balding long-haired tattooed guy with an undefined gimmick?”. I hated the Andre the Giant Battle Royal winner because I figured, here we go again, another Cesaro, let them win a ‘meaningful’ trophy and bury them after that. Well, something amazing happened to the career for Corbin; the brand split happened and he got drafted to SmackDown, the ‘secondary’ show. Corbin was able to work on his craft and define his gimmick a bit more, which is the beauty of SmackDown. They know it’s not the flagship program so they are willing to take a lot more risks instead of going by the same routine every week. Which brings me back to Corbin and how far he’s come. He is a bona fide main event player on SmackDown, having insanely good matches with Cena, Ziggler and Styles. He’s got the “it” factor and the size. He’s going to be a future champion, mark my words.

5. What do you do with Seth Rollins?

I love Seth Rollins, and for his status to be up in the air is frustrating, but interesting at the same time.

As most of you know, Rollins lost his Rumble spot to Sami Zayn after Triple H’s music hit and the distraction caused Rollins to lose. That was this past Monday which means Rollins currently doesn’t have anything to do at the Rumble. But don’t think for one second Seth “Freakin” Rollins won’t be playing a major part Sunday. Maybe Rollins just enters no matter what anyone says, maybe he comes out and just starts tossing people out of the Rumble – remember this is a no-DQ match. Maybe Triple H makes an appearance and gets this Mania feud going by taking Rollins out of the picture. It’s most likely going to come down to two options. One being, he’s not allowed in the arena and makes it back in time for the Rumble, which has been done countless times. The other option is, he will be asked to beat some stacked deck in an impromptu match at some point to get in. Which has also been done before but has a lot more options and gives other Superstars something to do. However they chose to use The Man, expect it to have a major impact, as the architect is too good to do nothing.

Well there are my five questions going into the Royal Rumble that I’m most interested in. Now on to the other matches on the card, and I will be brief in picking the winners of these matches. It’s tough because I get going with my “booger-eating”, at least that’s what that wacko Colin Cowherd thinks we do as wrestling fans (screw you pal). Alright guys, here’s the picks for Sunday’s card with a  Rumble winner prediction.

Cruiserweight Title

Rich Swann (c) vs Neville

Winner: Neville

Let’s see what Neville can do as top dog and heel of the 205 Live Crew.

Nia Jax vs Sasha Banks

Winner: Nia Jax

If Jax doesn’t win, does that destroy everything they have built her into? Plus, this feud is tied to the Bayley/Charlotte feu,d so maybe a ‘fatal four’ at Mania is in order.

Tag Team Titles

Two Referees

Sheamus & Cesaro (c) vs The Club 
Winner: The Club

It’s time to break up Sheamus and Cesaro and see what Gallows and Anderson can do as champs. They have earned that chance.

AJ Styles vs John Cena

Winner: Styles

I was heavily leaning Cena because it opens up more interesting WrestleMania opportunities, but with Elimination Chamber a few weeks away and Cena most certainly in that. You have Cena win it there, boost that PPV rating up and give Styles a big time signature win in front of 70k at the Rumble.

Woman’s Title

Charlotte Flair (c) vs Bayley

The rich privileged woman vs. the underdog, a classic WWE booking. This to me isn’t close to the Banks/Charlotte feud but you can’t have them wrestle every week at a PPV. So Bayley steps in, and she will lose to the queen of PPV but not without controversy, setting up a rematch at some point.

Nikki Bella, Naomi and Becky Lynch vs Alexa Bliss, Natyla and Mickie James

With most of the roster involved in the Rumble, it’s a nice filler match for the card. Let’s have all the Face women take on all the Heels on the SmackDown roster. All I know is it’s an excuse to watch more Mickie James. I can’t quite figure out what’s wrong with her, she’s got some crazy to her. I don’t really remember the Mickie James days but it is an interesting move bringing her back, possibly to help out a very young roster on the SmackDown side.

Winner: Team Bliss 

WWE Universal Title

Kevin Owens (c) vs Roman Reigns

No DQ/Jericho in Shark Cage

Winner: Roman Reigns

Please believe that Shark Cage will be in play at some point. This is a perfect opportunity to have KO and Y2K breakup. As much as I love the pairing, Y2K has Fozzy tour dates coming up after Mania, and he’s going to be unavailable, so do it now. Have him cost KO the title and boom, done. Plus I’m sure Vince is past the whole Reigns suspension thing and thinks he’s suffered enough and will probably put the title back on him, even if we, the fans, don’t want it. But screw us right?

Royal Rumble

Winner: The Undertaker

He’s going to enter 30th because of that goddamn five-minute entrance at any other spot in the Rumble and he’s getting passed on the ramp like a slow driver on the highway. Anyways, Taker wins because he is the only guy that can win the Rumble, challenge for whatever belt or opponent he chooses and go to Wrestlemania and win that title one last time. He can retire the next night on RAW and not one person would have a problem with that. He’s that over fans and management. The Dead Guy will hand pick his final match in WWE. Calling it now!

We have made it to the end, How you doin?

Alright guys enough of my babbling!  Thanks for checking this out and let’s hope your number hits in your Rumble pool! Enjoy the Rumble, you booger-eaters!! This has been Awe….Some( I just did that so I have an excuse to post a picture of Maryse…Ooo la la) sorry honey. 

Bizzle’s Royal Rumble Preview! 

Bizzle’s Pro Bowl Preview! 

Here’s my 2017 NFL Pro Bowl Preview: 

If you don’t like my analysis of the Pro Bowl, well: 

Enjoy the 2017 Pro Bowl, I know I won’t be watching that garbage I’ll be focused on more important things such as: 

So don’t be A Cuppa Haters and talk trash about the Royal Rumble. 

It’s going to be way more lit than the Pro Bowl:

Bizzle’s Pro Bowl Preview! 

Bizzle Picks The NFL Conference Title Games. 

And then there were four.

Finally, we got to enjoy a couple really good games in the divisional round, which went pretty much as I expected as I went 3 out of 4 in picks last week. The damned Steelers blew my perfect week with a zero-TD victory over the outmatched Chiefs. We had Aaron Rodgers doing Aaron Rodgers type things — more on that later. It’s been pretty rainy all over the country which can only be attributed to the tears of Cowboys Nation, who all but assumed they would make it to the NFC title game — see this jackwagon’s tattoo.

In store this week, we have a big time AFC matchup of teams who flat out don’t like each other, and that is awesome. Nothing better than two rivals playing for a chance to make the Super Bowl; I smell a classic on our hands. Between that and seeing what Aaron Rodgers does next I couldn’t be more excited for championship weekend….Well, at least until the next Bachelor episode debuts on Monday. Be prepared: There is even more Bachelor talk coming up with some football talk sprinkled in.

Sunday 3:05pm

Green Bay Packers 10-6 at Atlanta Falcons 11-5

Excuse my language out the gate but that Aaron Rodgers is a goddamn man, worthy of the highest GDM status. I’ll save you the trouble of my listing all the things that the Green Bay Packers and Aaron Rodgers are hotter than: like Molten Lava and Corinne from the Bachelor (and not for her looks — she is making this Bachelor must see TV). Seriously, other girls, if you want her to stop taking all the Nick time then step your games up. She is playing the game like a champ and you all are hoping that sitting on the sidelines is the way to play it. It’s not.

Speaking of sidelines, did you see that throw Rodgers made at the end of the Cowboys game? Of course you did! Holy hell, that took some serious onions to pull off. Cowboys fans are still salty over another playoff letdown. Seriously, the stat of teams that have won more playoff games than the Cowboys is amazing. 

The Falcons are on that list for sure, as they took down the Seahawks in convincing fashion and yet are seemingly an afterthought as Rodgers has completely stolen the spotlight, Corinne style. Expect some points on Sunday afternoon. I believe the over/under in this game is like 60 points, which is insane in a playoff game. What a way for the Falcons to close out the Georgia Dome, with a chance to make it to their first Super Bowl since 1999.

On paper the Falcons are the better team with the presumptive MVP at quarterback and all the injuries for the Packers.  The X-factor, of course, is that I’ve rolled with the Packers the entire post season due to my new found obsession for The Bachelor (thanks Justine). So this week will be no different. Hell of a year Matty Ice, and thank you for bringing me my first fantasy football championship, but you did not receive a rose. Please take a moment and say your goodbyes.

Packers 33 Falcons 31

Sunday 6:40pm

Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5 vs New England Patriots 14-2

So through the first two rounds of the playoffs, I have picked against the Steelers each week in hopes that I wouldn’t have to watch them anymore. Every time this past couple weeks I would say “Go Dolphins” or “Go Chiefs” I’d get the death stare from my soon to be wife. I’m sure it won’t be the last time I get those types of looks from her, especially if I keep writing about how much I hate her team. The Steelers didn’t score a single touchdown against the Chiefs and somehow managed to win the game. If you would have told me that would happen prior to the game, I would have thought you were crazier than Terry Bradshaw’s awful ass. What can I say, the Steelers continue to make me look awful and the couch and I are becoming very very close.

While I’ve been enjoying some couch time it gives me an opportunity to ponder my options, which I have to tell you aren’t the greatest. The Patriots are widely considered the cheaters of the NFL — whether it’s shrunken balls or spying on the competition, the Patriots are always pushing the envelope when it comes to finding the edge. The shrunken balls incident may have actually helped the Patriots in the long run, though. Look at it this way; Tom Brady missed the first four games of the season due to the suspension. Add in the bye week and Tom got five weeks to lay around with his supermodel wife wearing nothing but Uggs, or at least that’s what I would would do with all that money. That, folks, makes him the freshest he has ever been for a playoff run. Sure, they had some struggles against the Texans last week but you have to think they were just going through the motions against an inferior opponent. Yeah, Brock Osweiler, you are nowhere near Brady’s level and I’m so happy I don’t have to watch you play for at least 8 months.

What is a man to do? Every single week I pick against the Steelers and every week I’m wrong. To add insult to that, my wonderful fiancee continues to rub it in weekly. I am a prideful man and am sick of the Steelers proving me wrong. So I should pick the Patriots to blow out Mike Tomlin and the Steelers. I’d love to see Antonio Brown post that on Facebook Live — what a bum. However, if I pick the Steelers this week, not only do I win a few lost brownie points with the future wife, but they will hopefully prove me wrong again and lose to Brady and company. So I’m going to be a little confusing, as I’m taking the Steelers to pull off the upset and advance to Super Bowl 51, but I’ll be rooting so hard for the Patriots you’d think I was a Julian Edelman Tinder hookup.

Steelers 23 Patriots 19

Enjoy, and we’ll see you in a few weeks for Super Bowl 51!

Bizzle Picks The NFL Conference Title Games. 

Bizzle’s NFL Divisional Round Playoff Picks! 

What an uneventful and boring Wild Card Weekend. I mean, what the hell? No upsets, not a single close game – talk about a snoozefest. Well NFL, you get a chance to redeem yourself with the divisional round of the playoffs. Dallas, Atlanta, New England and Kansas City are ready to join the fun, hopefully. I don’t know if I can sit through another week of lopsided games, which is pretty much why I will be avoiding the Texans- Patriots game –  that has ass whipping written all over it. Which probably means it will be a close game and be a Texans upset – yuck.

I haven’t had the greatest track record in picking football the last few weeks – thanks Clemson, for adding insult to injury. Of course I’m struggling now that people actually ask my opinion these days. So even though I’ll probably miss on every single pick and Brock Osweiler will become the greatest thing since Kate Upton, I once again present my predictions  for the NFL playoffs. What am I thinking? 

4:35pm Saturday
Seattle Seahawks 10-5-1 vs Atlanta Falcons 11-5
Mr. Nice Guy himself, Matt Ryan, seems to have finally put everyone on notice that he is among the elite at the quarterback position. He’s having an MVP worthy season, leading the offense that scored the most points in the NFL, and getting that elusive bye in round one. What’s your prize? Oh, it’s just the always tough Seahawks. Matty Ice can’t seem to catch a break.

Everyone has Seattle in this game, and can you blame them? They have the pedigree, the defense (even without Earl Thomas), and the running game seems to be on track. So why would anyone go against the Seahawks? Well, I am and I’ll tell you why.

I play in two fantasy football leagues and I had Russell Wilson in one and Matt Ryan in the other. In one league I finished dead last and in the other I won the championship. I think you see where this is going. Russell Wilson, you let me down. Sure, it wasn’t all your fault but it’s not all on Dan Marino that he never won a Super Bowl either, yet it’s held against him. I’m applying the same logic to fantasy football. Yeah, I may have made some poor draft choices but it’s a quarterback driven league right? In my other league I took Matt Ryan very very late in the draft – hell, I didn’t even want him. But I took a flyer because he’s a nice guy and boom he became an MVP candidate. Did I mention Ryan helped win me my first championship? So maybe I’m lucky, or maybe I know more about fantasy football than I thought.
Couple Matt Ryan with Julio Jones, arguably the best receiver in the game, and that is a tough thing to stop. Earl Thomas won’t be walking through that door and without Thomas in the lineup Jones had 7 receptions for 139 yards and a score in these teams’ regular season meeting. Being at home against a weakened Seattle defense will be the difference in the game as Ryan and Jones make Richard Sherman their….well, you know. Let’s just say it will be a long day for Sherman.
Atlanta 34 Seattle 21

8:15pm Saturday
Houston Texans 9-7 vs New England Patriots 14-2
Seriously, Brock Osweiler, you finally have to play a decent enough game to make my rant against you pointless? Well, I refuse to back off my stance that you are beyond overpaid and a terrible quarterback. Thank God this Texans season will come to an end this Saturday night. Do I believe the Osweilers have any remote chance to beat the Patriots? Absolutely not.
I don’t need a statistical breakdown to call this one, all I need is that Houston got shut out 27-0 in week 3 to a guy who I repeatedly confuse for a classy sandwich, Jacoby Brissett. Sure, teams change over the course of a season. The Texans finally have Jadavon Clowney playing like a top pick, but what they don’t have is arguably the greatest quarterback of all time in the fold.
Tom Brady missed the first four weeks of the season because his balls were a little flat. That didn’t stop him from being in the MVP discussion and put up a 28 touchdown 2 interception “Eff You” season. Tom and Company are locked in and on a mission to shake hands with a sure to be not too pleased Rodger Godell. I know it’s wrong in a lot of circles to root on the Cheaters, but just imagine that podium. I hope Brady pulls back his hand and dabs all over that fool. Usually I’m long-winded with these predictions but all I’m going to say is, we are on to the AFC title game.

Patriots 38 Texans 17

4:40pm Sunday
Green Bay Packers 10-6 at Dallas Cowboys 13-3
Is there anything in this world hotter than Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers right now? Off the top of my head, a few things: Our queen Kate Upton doing the Cat Daddy here’s the link,Hatchimals –  those god-awful creepy Furby looking things that I couldn’t find my daughter for Christmas unless I wanted to drop a grand on eBay – and there’s always Maryse, the Miz’s wife. And if you don’t know who that is, or who the Miz is, honestly I can’t be friends with you because the WWE is awesome and anyone who doesn’t agree is a bona fide hater.

Maybe, just maybe, the only thing hotter than Aaron and Company is that rookie duo of Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott. While it was expected that Zeke would find success behind the best o-line in the NFL, Prescott was a big surprise. He was a 4th round flyer and was going into this season expected to be the 3rd string quarterback and learn from Tony Romo. Well, Romo gonna Romo, and he got hurt in the preseason – so did backup Kellen Moore.

Enter Dak, who managed to not screw things up in Dallas. He’s played himself into the Rookie of the Year discussion and even whispers of MVP talk. Was it Dak or was it all the talent around him? I call this the Rondo theory. Remember when Rondo was the Point guard in Boston and had KG, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce around him? Well I to this day I argue I could have out up decent assist totals and points surrounded by 3 future Hall of Famers. Is the same true for Dak? Case in point: Best running back in football, best offensive line in football, a sometimes head case but always great receiver in Dez Bryant, and oh yeah,one of the all time best tight ends in Jason Witten. I’m not saying he was awful, and I’m sure loudmouth Cowboys fans will bash me for that take, but it’s not as if Prescott had the Cleveland Browns roster in front of him.
By the way, is there any more annoyingly loud fanbase than Cowboys fans? You guys act like you’ve won something in the last 20 years – but I guess flaunt it if you got it. Last week I rolled with the Packers because of Jordan Rodgers and Jo-Jo, and if you listened to our radio spot on the Pat Doherty show, I was planning on going chalk. But because of my love for The Bachelor and the fact that the Packers are the only team I got correct last week, I am rolling with the Packers again. Hail Rodgers will crush the hearts of Cowboys fans everywhere and Twitter will explode.
Packers 27 Cowboys 24

8:20pm Sunday
Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5 vs Kansas City Chiefs 12-4
Talk about a game of polar opposites. (Get it? Polar? Because they’re playing in an ice storm? Oh, forget it.) On one hand you have the Steelers, with Dancing With The Stars contestant and twerk legend Antonio Brown, Le’Veon Bell, who enjoys the kindest of the kind and the stickiest of the icky, assistant coach Joey Porter, who loves getting arrested, and oh yeah, Big Ben. We all know what may or may not have happened with him. The Steelers are chock full of storylines and excitement – that’s going to happen when you have stars at all three skill positions. Hell, even Mike Tomlin is capable of tripping guys during games.

Well, for Kansas City, they are the exact opposite of excitement. The most exciting thing about the Chiefs is probably Andy Reid’s mustache. Hell the Quarterbacks name is Alex SMITH –  is there a more boring name in the NFL? The only way his name would be more boring would be if his name was Boring McBoringson III. If NFL Sunday Ticket had a rating system of how many out of market people watched a Chiefs game, I’m sure it wouldn’t be very high on the list. That being said, they get the job done and win football games. I picked them preseason to go 12-4 so I’m not totally surprised at their success but I know a lot of you casual fans probably are, and couldn’t even tell me which state Kansas City plays in. (Here’s a hint, it’s not Kansas.) Well in an effort to win back some good graces of the future wife I’m going to take the Steel…
Wait a second. You  know what, I’m going Chiefs and it’s because I saw the way you looked at Antonio Brown when he’d go shirtless on DWTS, miss fiancée, don’t think I’ve forgotten. Let’s go Chiefs! Can’t wait to see the state of Kansas…I mean Missouri represented in the AFC title game. #CouchGuyStrong baby!

Chiefs 33 Steelers 24

Bizzle’s NFL Divisional Round Playoff Picks! 

Bizzle’s Wild Card Weekend Preview!

I’ll blow this place to kingdom come – Wild Card, bitches!! It’s Wild Card weekend, baby!! Finally that means no more 49ers or Browns football, no more ties, as well as no more god-awful Thursday Night Football. Those things alone make wild card weekend special. It’s even more special for the Patriots, Chiefs, Cowboys and Falcons, as they all have a bye this week. I would suggest to all of those teams, don’t do anything at all, especially travel. The world will crush you if you enjoy your bye week. Sure, the Giants’ players weren’t on a bye, but they enjoyed the new year in Miami and the world lost their minds. That’s dumb. It didn’t get in they way of their jobs. Be honest, if you had that type of money you would do the same thing. So for guys like Dez Bryant and Alex Smith, you should just sit at home, grab some popcorn, maybe a Vitaminwater, and study the teams you may potentially play next week. I repeat, Julio Jones, Julian Edelman and Jamaal Charles, have zero fun this Wild Card weekend. Maybe if you guys are free, take a few minutes and read Bizzle’s Wild Card Weekend Preview. They probably won’t, but you should. Without further ado:

4:35pm Saturday

Oakland Raiders 12-4 at Houston Texans 9-7

This game has lost some of its appeal – well, actually, a lot of its appeal. The QBs you want to be playing in the matchup aren’t, and the two you don’t, are. For the Raiders, Derek Carr was having a career year: 28 touchdowns and 3,900 yards and even some MVP talk. Finally, the Silver and Black were actually back and they were for real. Well, Carr won me a fantasy football championship, then broke his leg. Matt McGloin started week 17, and he got hurt as well. Now, enter rookie Connor Cook who, before the week 17 relief appearance, we last saw him getting destroyed by Alabama in the College Football Playoff. Luckily for Cook, he’s got a great offensive line and running game behind him, and a stud wide receiver in Amari Cooper.

For Texans fans, they finally got what everyone wanted when Bill O’Brien benched Mr. “I Can’t Throw a Football More Than 4 Yards Downfield” aka Brock Osweiler. In came Tom Savage on his majestic white horse and saved the day for Texans fans, hell, football fans everywhere. Finally, no more Osweiler making DeAndre Hopkins and Will Fuller obsolete. Fantasy owners everywhere hadn’t exactly been thrilled about that. Well, of course the football gods had to take away everything wonderful about Tom Savage by concussing the shit out of him. The football gods have single-handedly taken away everything wonderful and pure about this Wild Card game. Thank God it’s the Saturday afternoon special.

As I’ve stated before, I’ve got kids and things to do so I might skip this one. Sure, Connor Cook could become the next Tom Brady (doubtful), but the Lord knows who Brock Osweiler is, and the only reasons he is here are because Texans’ management is dumb and someone had to win the AFC South. Whatever the over/under is for this game, you should definitely take the under and probably just watch the fourth quarter, because points will be impossible to come by, especially if Connor Cook isn’t the second coming of Ken Stabler. Tough decision here, but my hatred for Osweiler is going to break the tie.

Raiders 17 Texans 12

8:35pm Saturday

Detroit Lions 9-7 at Seattle Seahawks 10-5-1

It’s safe to say that the Seattle Seahawks are the New England Patriots of the West Coast. No matter what happens they manage to get into the playoffs. Whether it be key players leaving via free agency, injuries or even having a tie on their record, it won’t keep them outside of the playoffs. Pete Carroll and Co. always get in, and that’s all you have to do to give yourself a chance to win the whole thing. It could also be that that Seattle plays in a weak division that includes 49ers and Rams teams that make train wrecks seem mild. Even with a down year from Russell Wilson – which I’m all but convinced had to do with finally tying the knot with Ciara and breaking his vow of abstinence, which meant he had to put more strain on his body. Maybe it’s just me, but those certain activities can exhaust a person, especially if out of practice. So I can understand why he seemed a bit off all season, even if it cost me a chance to repeat my previous years fantasy success, thanks to Ciara.

Whether or not she really had anything to do with Wilson’s play this season, they still managed to get into the playoffs and are a heavy favorite against the Lions, who surprised quite a few people by making it in the first place. Who would have thought that losing Megatron, Calvin Johnson, would mean a a playoff berth? I know I didn’t. Funny, Megatron retires from football, probably because he was sick of losing, only to lose on Dancing With The Stars to Laurie Hernandez, an Olympic Gymnast. That doesn’t seem even remotely, fair but thats another article altogether. That said, the Lions  basically controlled their own destiny the final three games, but decided to go 0-3. One win and the division was theirs, but no, they had to give it away to the red-hot Packers in true Lions fashion.

Now they are being counted out by everyone and rightfully so. Seattle is no easy place to get a win even if the Seahawks are not as dominant as in years past. But you brought this on yourselves and Jim Caldwell should be thankful that Jim Bob Cooter isn’t taking his job in Detroit. Man, I love saying Jim Bob Cooter. For that reason and that reason alone:

Lions 23 Seahawks 17

1:05 pm Sunday

Miami Dolphins 10-6 at Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5

So here I am in a very tough spot while previewing and predicting this particular matchup. Earlier this season the Dolphins put it to the Steelers. Well, back to my dilemma. So my wonderful and amazing fiancee is a die-hard Steelers fan, and I happen to be a Bengals supporter (unfortunately). Naturally, I have a distaste for the black and yellow. This has me hoping they lose because I’m sick of hearing about all their success and personally, I think Terry Bradshaw is an idiot and can’t wait until he retires from Fox. Sorry to get off track but if you are reading this you know we tend to do that.

The Steelers are finally for the first time going to play a playoff game with the three B’s all healthy: Ben, Bell and Brown. From a purely football perspective it’s about damn time to see what this offense can do. The Dolphins will have their hands full stoping the B’s. I’m still shocked that Miami is even here. If you would have said they will lose Ryan Tannehill at any point and make the playoffs, I’d have laughed. Hell, you could have said with a healthy Tannehill they’d make the playoffs and I’d call you slightly crazy.

Unfortunately for Tannehill, Matt Moore has been serviceable since taking over in week 14 and has the Dolphins on the right track going 2-1 to close out a 10-6 record. A playoff win for Moore could help answer the question of whether or not Tannehill is a top quarterback or just another overrated top pick. Moore isn’t going to be expected to do this all alone on Sunday afternoon, as he has breakout running back Jay Ajayi who made fantasy football junkies cream their jeans with his stellar play. Ultimately, it will come down to the defensive line and Ndamukong Suh, getting pressure on Big Ben, and holding Bell to a modest day, That’s been hard to do since he came back from a suspension he got due to smoking the chronic or missing a drug test for enjoying the stickiest of the sticky – ultimately the same thing.

Sure, the Steelers on paper look like the smart pick here, but as but as Charlie Kelly famously once said, “Wild Card, Bitches!” So in true wild card fashion, I’m going Dolphins! Now, I’m sure if my Fiancee reads this, she’s not going to be thrilled by the previous statements made in this prediction. I can only hope that the couch is kind to me tonight.

Dolphins 34 Steelers 27

4:40pm Sunday

New York Giants 11-5 vs Green Bay Packers 10-6

It’s that rare time that both Aaron Rodgers and his brother Jordan are both relevant at the same time. For those who are unaware, have no fear, I’m here to connect the dots. Obviously, Aaron is relevant for being the best quarterback in the NFL and leading the Packers back from a 4-6. dead in the water record to win the final 6 games and the NFC North – which I called, so look at me now haters! Blah blah blah, Jordy is back, we are going to be better than 10-6, they said, guess not.

When it comes to Jordan, well, the Bachelor is back and better than ever with Nick attempting to find love for the 4th time, which means you’ve seen Jordan and Jo-Jo showing their support and giving advice in preview shows. Which got me thinking, do you think that Jordan is rooting for the Giants just to spite his brother, who apparently cut off the family years ago and hasn’t spoken to Jordan in years? Unlike Aaron and Jordan, Eli and his brother seem pretty close and you may have heard of him. He’s pretty famous. Cooper Manning. In all seriousness, if the Giants make a run and win the Super Bowl that would make Eli 3-0 in Super Bowls and give him a commanding lead over Peyton, who is now retired and doing Papa John’s commericals at an alarming rate. If Eli goes three for three in SBs, does that make him better than his brother Peyton? Some people that buy the “he has more rings” logic would think so.

Would Eli surpassing Peyton cause a Aaron/Jordan type rift amongst the Manning brothers? Will Odell Beckham Jr. marry any more sideline equipment? Maybe Eli Apple’s mom will let her son stay out past 10 if he wins a Super Bowl. I have so many questions and intrigue on the Giants side, but I am all in on all things Bachelor. I’m first in my Bachelor fantasy pool by the way. So Green Bay, will you accept this rose?

Packers 33 Giants 21

Well, there you have it folks. I’m sure I’m wrong and if so, you’ll all tell me about it. Until next week Junkies Nation, enjoy the Wild Card games and a Happy New Year to you all!!

Bizzle’s Wild Card Weekend Preview!